Top Ten Reasons Behind The Disappearance of Epic Win
Posted by 0rion on April 16th, 2008 - 10:00 pm
Breaking news! The sudden disappearance of superstar bloggers 0rion and Guff over two months ago had left the anime blogosphere in a state of shock, and theories abounded regarding the whereabouts of the former tag team blogging duo.
Today we bring you breaking headline news to report on the status of Epic Win with a live interview with none other than the previously MIA, thought deceased writers themselves.
So Orion, needless to say the world is waiting with bated breath to hear about where you and Guff have been over the last few months, and the reason for your unannounced absence. Would you care to fill us in?
Certainly, 0rion.
I can only imagine the sadness that must have filled the intertubes after our sudden departure. Such irony that we ourselves would fall victim to the dread Hiatus Disease so soon after posting about it.
Regardless, we are still alive and have every intention of resuming a relatively normal posting schedule. Reports of our death have been greatly exaggerated. We’re not dead yet! We’re getting better! We can still fight! Etc., etc.
The truth of the matter is that it was not one, nor even two, but in fact a series of unfortunate events that plagued our valiant attempts to blog as usual. In keeping with anime blogger tradition, I am now contractually required to provide ten of them in a reverse-order numerically ranked list with bullet points.
So without further ado I present…
The Top Ten Reasons Behind The Disappearance of Epic Win: Redundant Title of Redundancy Twice
#10. Kidnapped by yakuza and forced to play endless games of restricted Tic-Tac-Toe
I should have known this would happen.
First our attempts to corner the X market backfired, then when our O buyout failed us as well, Orion was forced to bludgeon our captors senseless with his lethal vale tudo techniques. Thankfully, he was in fact, fully clothed at the time.
#9. Hospitalized after overdosing on sunshine pie
After our narrow escape from the Blimp of Hope, or whatever that place was called, we thought it would be safe to relax a bit.
And what better way than to relax than with a slice of sunshine pie? Little did we realize the power of its addictive nature.
At first you think to yourself, “Hey, I’ll just cut myself a slice, you know? Yeah, just one slice should be fine…I can handle it…”
Then your appetite grows more and more insatiable, and soon you’re hooked. The next thing you know, you’re curled in the fetal position on the floor in an empty room (after having sold all your possessions) gnawing at your knuckles anticipating your next fix. It ain’t pretty, that’s for sure.
#8. Ran out of spiral energy AND molepig steaks
After the inevitable pie-induced withdrawal crash, we were left lifeless and torpid, too lethargic to even raise our drills skyward, let alone pierce the heavens with them.
.
It’s impossible to pierce the heavens without spiral energy. And without pig-mole steaks, you have no spiral energy. And without spiral energy, well, those heavens are categorically impenetrable. Seriously dude, don’t even try to pierce them. You’re just going to hurt yourself.
#7. Spirited away by Oyashiro-sama
Sheesh, if I had a nickel for every time this happened…
.
.
You’d have a nickel?
.
.
Precisely. But hey, on the bright side, I was considering taking the year dead for tax purposes anyway. I just wish I didn’t have to claw out my own throat, ya know?
.
#6. Sent on an arduous journey to fetch fresh water from Mt. Fuji
Well, this is what I get for not checking the fine print in my job description. Next time that wench wants some fresh water I’ll point her to the sink. To think I braved dense forests, massive killer insects, and altitude sickness only to be abruptly repudiated upon my return. It’s an outrage, I say! Why it’s almost enough to make me want to wreak complete havoc upon my coworkers and place of business!
#5. Stuck on the stairway to heaven
Eating bad shitake mushrooms can prove to have quite the unpleasant array of side effects. You walk about in a daze only to find yourself on an endless staircase, and worse yet, there’s that little bastard of a bullfrog to pester you the whole way up. Talk about obnoxious.
You’d think we would have learned our lesson after the sunshine pie incident. >_<
Ah well, such is the life of a bounty hunter.
I mean blogger.
#4. Performed a forbidden transmutation
You know it seemed like a good idea at the time. KyoAni seemed to be stuck on making key-game adaptations and our precious SOS-dan had been pigeon-holed yet again. After stumbling upon some forbidden alchemy texts we learned that it was possible transmute the “The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya” box set, a Tachikoma figure, and a Moyashimon plushie into “The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya.”
Unfortunately, however, as the circle was completed we were swept beyond the gate into a strange forbidden realm, one where our blogging powers no longer worked.
Why, oh why did ever try to play God!?
#3. Chasing the rain, chasing the rainbow
Just when we thought our misadventures were finally over, this chap wanders over and says he’s looking for rainbows. Wants to bring one home with him, he says. Well, I tried pointing him in the general direction of San Francisco, but he explained that he wasn’t looking for that kind of rainbow. Well what the heck, I had always wanted to find that giant bowl of Lucky Charms at the end of the rainbow, so why not?
Moses, that is last time I join some random vagabond on a cross-country rainbow-hunting excursion. I had to lug that huge pot the whole way to boot, and wouldn’t you know it, we finally got there and the rainbow wouldn’t fit. To make matters worse, I now have this insatiable desire to run wild like a lunatic every time it rains. Good thing we live in California, where that kind of thing only happens about once a year.
#2. Forgot to construct additional pylons
Sometimes you think you’ve got everything under control. Your zealots are swift, your templars are psionic, and your carriers are about to arrive. And then it happens…you realize that you do not have enough pylons, that you need to go constructing additional ones. I hate it when that happens.
Honestly, I feel like I should set my alarm clock to just play that Protoss announcement over and over; it would certainly have matched my mood well enough the past few months.
#1. Zetsubou Shita!!
So yeah, basically life has been sucking lately. I went through a nasty bout with the flu not once but TWICE within the last few months, and between that and trying to stay caught up with my deadlines at work there has just not been much time, energy, or creativity left in the locker for blogging. The cupboard, as they say, was bare. And once you fall behind in watching/blogging, it gets harder and harder to get back into the groove and pick up again, so a short hiatus due to illness became a longer hiatus due to stress which in the end nearly proved the death knell of this site.
At any rate, that’s been my life recently. Don’t know what Guff’s excuse is; probably just laziness like always.
Oh, you’d like to think that your last semester would be the easy one, but no. Those textbooks will rape your bank account and mind alike. Every time I go to write a post I get ambushed by Chaucer, Zizek, and Foucault. Let me get this straight: you take all my money, and then you make me work in exchange for the privilege of giving you all my money? Congratulations higher academia, you’re the biggest scam since Avon.
In all sincerity folks, school this semester has been utterly ridiculous. If i wasn’t so close to graduating I’d head to dean’s office, demand my money back and defecate in the campus fountain right now. We really apologize for our unprecedented period of inactivity, but we’re back now and plan to stay that way. Thanks for your patience; we really appreciate it.
To those of you who are still here and reading this: thank you. You guys are the real fans, the ones for whom we happily dedicate our time and energy to write. Thanks for sticking around through the dry times; here’s hoping that the Golden Age of Win shall return, and that it shall be Epic indeed. ;D
So there you have it folks! Today’s report was brought to you live exclusively from Epic Win. We now return you to your regularly scheduled internet. 0rion out!
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OH WHAT THE SHIT YOU’RE BACK
*huggles 0rion and Guff*
*LoTR reunion with Gandalf scene*
How does it feel like to wake up from your cryonic sleep?
You guys are back!? Excellent!
fantastic way to come back may I jut say.
Welcome back!
It’s been quite a while, but it’s good to see both of you in action again
A 2 month hiatus is better than a permanent hiatus 
finally, you guys have risen from the dead! XD
nice comeback, just in time for Spring! :3
Welcome back. Don’t give up on defecating in the campus fountain, just file the idea for a few months’ time . . .
You guys are back! Your commentary is the best. ^_^ (And I can sympathize with the flu and the cost of textbooks.)
That was a work of satirical/parody/comedy genius… though I felt bad about myself after tallying up all the references I got. THX GUYS.
Also, the flipping of 0rion’s avatar to denote interviewer/interviewee roles = brilliant. Also also I sympathise with Guff’s final semester of doom. Particularly with Zizek. Got my Lit Theory exam on Monday. Am pretty much shitting it. Also also also, welcome back. :3
FINALLY. I would like to say that I’ve been faithfully awaiting the revival of this blog, but I sort of gave up when you two still didn’t pipe up on April 1st and announce the hiatus as some drawn out warped joke!
Awesome to see the two of you back.
I lol’d. :3
And real life’s annoying so I can understand why things happened the way they did. Even now, I’m wondering if I can keep up this blogging pace into my second med school year, where things are supposed to be tougher than this one.
Either way, welcome back, though it’s like you’ve never left.
Welcome back, and remember to pace yourselves! Don’t become another statistic!
HOORAY! The internets can be happy again.
…Shit, now Dio and I can no longer claim we post more than you guys unless we step forward and do more.
Dammit, I really thought you guys were goners! After reading through this post and nearly coughing up blood with laughter (and making a mental note to figure out all the references later), it’s like you never left.
@Orion: after going on a short hiatus myself after moving house, I understand how hard it is to get back into the swing of things in regards to blogging. The new season promises good things though, if that helps.
@Guff: it’s been a while since I’ve experienced the suckiness of full time education but yeah, I remember those days well too.
Best of luck with your exams!
Welcome back gentlemen. ^_^
Welcome back, homeboys. Believe me, anyone can catch hiatus disease–best thing to do is honestly to maybe update less, but also regularly. Looking forward to lots more laughter again!
Caught the Kaiji, GL, Higurashji, and L*S references, although undoubtedly I’m missing many more. XD
Good to have you back in some shape and form, worship, epic win = true, etc etc etc; nothing witty to say so I’ll just 1.) Genuflect then.
I actually only recently discovered the epicwin site, so I’m sorry to say I didn’t know you were absent as I read over all of your previous blogs. I loved DTB and Lucky Star btw.
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and was genuinely saddened to find that you had both disappeared off the face of the Earth. I’m looking forward to a renewal of Epic Winning.
Woooooooooow 4 months.
I referenced Foucault in a paper on Something Awful. I both was endlessly amused with myself and hated myself and wanted to die, both at the same time.
Is number 3 a reference to an episode in Mushishi? Just guessing.
And, it’s good to have you guys back.
At least you’re still yourselves, not having summoned giant snake spirits to consume you and take your places.
[…] anime blog news, Epic Win is back! After three months of inactivity, the duo has returned to entertain us (not in time for ABA […]
Dang, 9 out of 10. What does the mt. Fuji one refer to?
And, I love your work, guys, and I’m really glad to see you back, but please tell me. How do you command such evil control over large numbers of fans? Months of silence and you get dozens of responses in one day? Tell me your secrets!
@ Dio Bravo: Mind control drugs in the water is my guess.
Holy shit… even their comeback is full of EPIC WIN…
@Dio Bravo: I believe the Mt. Fuji bit refers to the time in Lucky Channel when Akira sent Minoru to fetch water from Mt. Fuji.
Awesome, God Knows~ How many times I have checked this site waiting for that exact post. Down to the last Zetsubou-Shita. ;p
Nice To See your back on track and RL is on its way to breaking the heavens.
you cant hate chaucer, the canterbury tales is truth!
zizek though can shove it.
First of all, thanks for welcoming us back; it’s good to finally get back on track!
Glad you guys enjoyed the post. The one thing we really did NOT want to do was make one of those pathetic, whining apology posts with vague promises to do better and not suck. After all, that would hardly count as Epic Win, now would it?
As for the 10 points, the references are as follows:
#10 - Kaiji
#9 - Spice & Wolf
#8 - Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
#7 - Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
#6 - Lucky Star
#5 - Cowboy Bebop
#4 - Fullmetal Alchemist
#3 - Mushishi
#2 - Starcraft
#1 - Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
Hello once again.
I luv it
I am glad to see that you two are back on your feet.
Salutations all.
Phew…well it has been most excellent to return to our, all too recently, desolate little outpost here on the “intarwebz.”
Sincere thanks and props most magnanimous to all of our regular readers who were so patient and long suffering over this unintentionally long hiatus. You guys are the best, and you make this whole shebang fun and worthwhile.
Graduation looms on the horizon for me. (thank God) It’ll be nice to have tangible paper evidence for years of monies spent and brain cells eviscerated in the name of academia. More importantly, it will allow me to get back to things that really matter: watching anime and writing about said medium.
That being said, we have several different posts in the works for the very near future here.
Ahh…it’s good to be back. Thanks for the warm welcome everyone, we hope to provide you with many a “lulz.”
Well…good ….err…Excuse….wahahha….^.^ anyway, Still looking for more post from you guys.
Motto-motto Zetsubou shitai!!
Nice to see that the two of you are back, now GET BACK TO BLOGGING LOL xD.
SOUL EATER REVIEW PLEASE! I want to know what you guys think.
whenever you stop running off that is!
YAHOO!!! YOU GUYS ARE BACK!!! I MISSED YOU! *kisses 0rion and Guff… but mostly Orion* Do you plan to blog the rest of Aria the Origination?
Welcome back! It has definitely been a long time
You guys are back! I’m so happy!
Welcome back. ^^
Regarding to #3 reason, it’s okay to chase the rainbow, just don’t touch it XD.
I lol’d.
I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS!
FINALLY!!
*bookmarks the RSS Feeder once again*
Lol it’s been a month since you guys came back and I only found out just now -,-”. But either way, it’s great that you guys came back. i understand the stress of work and school… going through a similar situation but am very pleased that you’d have such willpower to come back and stay back.
Kudos to you guys!
Welcome back!!
Looking forward to more of your antics~
Finally, the prodigal son returns!!!!