Touhou Summarized
Posted by 0rion on August 26th, 2009 - 6:19 pm
This article is probably the best and most accurate explanation of Touhou I have ever seen, highlighting both the fact that the games are incredibly punishing and also highly bizarre. Not that that should come as a surprise, considering they were made in Japan, the product of what the article refers to as “a 110 lb Alcoholic Game Designer”.
The author summarizes the Touhou subculture as follows:
1. All of the Characters are little girls.
2. Despite what Fact #1 may lead you to believe, the games are extremely difficult.
3. The Touhou Fanbase has achieved levels of craziness that make other Fanbases look downright lazy.
I always knew that Touhou fans were completely insane, but I didn’t grasp the sheer scale of their insanity until I saw a “Touhou Fan Music Collection” torrent somewhere. The collection of music was over 400 GBs! I think my entire music library is only like 25 GBs tops.
Well, that and also I’ve heard that the DoujinStyle forums are just a terrifying den of iniquity[citation needed].
The series revolves around a Miko (Shinto Shrine Maiden) named Reimu Hakurei… who lives in a magical world named Gensokyo. Every so often, disaster strikes, and it’s up to Reimu to save the world from little vampire girls, little ghost girls, little demon girls, little exiled moon princess girls… Generally, mythical entities that all look like LITTLE GIRLS.
Unlike most popular Japanese PC Games, Touhou isn’t an Erotic Dating Game or a Rape Simulator. In fact, instead of letting the player rape little girls, the game RAPES YOU… metaphorically speaking…
In any given Touhou game I think I make it about two or three stages max before I get absolutely shot to hell by these loli boss chicks and their Unlimited Beam Works spellcard BS. And that’s on Normal. I think on the hardest difficulty my average lifespan is somewhere in the neighborhood of approximately 8 seconds, give or take 7 seconds.
SOVIET RUSSIA!
Somehow, I think any simplistic statement about Touhou other than ‘boy, you better know what you’re about to get into’ doesn’t do it justice.
My limit before dying is usually around 3 stages. 4th stage will kick me in the arse and drag me while I scream in pain and agony at the sheer number of bullets that fill up the screen.
I’d summarize Touhou as:
LESBIAN GIRLS FIGHT EACH OTHER
THE BULLETS SHOOT BULLETS
and SUPPOSITORIES
…Anyhow, take heart, I’m terrible at the game as well. I can only beat it on Easy (for only two of the games) and the farthest I’ve lasted on Normal is Stage 4 or 5. I’ve never been able to unlocked the Extra Stage.
ええ？！まじ？？Easyモードー？きもい！！
Playing Phantasmagoria of Flower View before attempting the others really helps in terms of avoiding bullets, but I’m more partial to PoFV than the rest due to its sheer replayability value, anyway.
@ Owen S
LOL, you do realize that talking like that makes you sound entirely too much like a 16 year old Japanese schoolgirl… right?
LOL, 0rion, you do know that I’m quoting from this Touhou meme, which makes you sound entirely too ignorant of the joke… right?
See people, this is why I say that Touhou fans are completely nuts.
てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！てゐ！
I rest my case.
…and Owen turned into a yandere. The End.
I think people find the game particularly hard since Danmaku shooters are a very Japanese thing, I think. Most Western STG’s are pretty light on the bullets, while these are… the total opposite, which I guess most people aren’t used to?
Amazed at the insentric interactions between bloggers, as always
The funny thing about the bullet hell genre is that Touhou is relatively easy compared to, say, Ikaruga or most Cave games, unless you’re playing for score. IN is actually pretty beginner-friendly with its 7 lives.
that’s why they let you change the number of lives you have in ‘options’
I have like only 100GB+ Touhou music, each song custom renamed by hand by their official-game appearances, not sure about those 400+GB collections
This is a great post on how the fanculture surrounding Touhou has exploded so much, and this is my take on how I got into the whole subculture. Yes, I know I should post more. :V