I Met the Real Life Yotsuba
Posted by Guff on August 28th, 2009 - 9:00 pm
Well it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, and although this is most assuredly due to my laziness, it’s not entirely accurate to say that I’ve been doing nothing but loafing about drinking shochu and watching anime during the punishing summer months here in Japan. Not entirely accurate.
Anyway, what I’m planning to do is share some of my more interesting adventures during my time here. I’ll have leave the serious discussion on the finer points of Japan’s rich cultural heritage to 0rion; my tales will serve as more of a series of facepalm inducing incidents.
So I met Yotsuba the other day, as in IRL.
I was sitting in the cafe area at the local DOMY supermarket, minding my own business, enjoying some of their scrumptious yet very reasonably priced salmon nigirizushi. In the background I could hear the sound of a kid running about shouting something about “okashi” (candy).
As the sounds drew closer, it became apparent that the voice belonged to a small child approximately five years of age. As she entered into the cafe area, which I need to stress is just a couple of tables and chairs seated next to some vending machines within the store, her eyes met with a horrible sight. Namely, my face.
Now, children in Japan usually have one of two reactions when seeing me – either utter despair, or profound curiosity which then quickly descends into glowering disapproval.
They are either perplexed and besotten with sadness as to how God could allow for such an opprobrious creature to exist, or they are disappointed that some responsible adult has not already taken care of removing this affront from their presence. Either way the reaction is usually not positive.
Let me just say that I can absolutely corroborate this fact. I have, on at least a half dozen occasions, seen Japanese children so stunned at Guff’s mere visage that they literally stop in their tracks.
Some even faceplant on the ground, they are so shocked at the sight of this strange and alien being. Yes, small Japanese children tend to be surprised by any sudden encounter with a foreigner, but Guff is a special case deserving of an even more dramatic reaction. 
Oh, and if I speak Japanese to them… well, that just completely eviscerates their fragile universe. All in all, it’s a bad day for everyone concerned. This situation, however, was different.
As the young child looked up at me she drew a deep breath. I was preparing for a horrified scream, so I quickly turned around, but instead I was met with a rather cheerful shout of, “DO YOU REALLY LIKE TEA?!”
“What…? Tea… what is she talking about?” I thought to myself.
Then I remembered that I had purchased some oolong tea earlier. Like a simpleton I pointed to it and said with much trepidation, “Uhh, yes, I like tea very much.”
“WOW, THAT’S AMAZING!” the child replied in earnest.
“HEY, do you know how to use this machine?” she asked, pointing to the adjacent drink dispenser. Although I had previously used the machine in question, I thought that I had better play the stupid foreigner, a role that I unintentionally perform exceedingly well, and replied with, “No, not at all, can you please show me?”
“OF COURSE!” she chirped, “IT’S REALLY EASY!”
“OK, first… first you get a cup! Then you put it here and push this button… and then it starts as water but then it TURNS INTO TEA!”
I watched with great attentiveness as this miracle took place before my eyes; indeed the machine did produce tea.
“Actually it’s not very cold but… IT’S REALLY GOOD!” she said after taking a rather large gulp.
I need to stress that the child did not say “oishii” or even “umai”.
Instead, she yelled out “UM~EE!”, a somewhat masculine and very slangy way to refer to something as tasty. After she had finished her explanation she wished me a hearty “JA NEE~!” and departed the store. I could hear her mother mildly scolding her as they exited, “You shouldn’t bother people like that…”
“I WAS HELPING HIM!” she shouted off in the distance.
Truer words have never been spoken.
-Guff out
Huh. Cutest thing I’ve heard in a while ^^
Hahahaha, I lol’ed suddenly on the part with “DO YOU REALLY LIKE TEA?” in bold letters…
ROFLMAO I had no idea kids in Japan were so teriffied of foreigners. Then again, kids here have no shortage of really interesting reactions to me (I’ve always been a guy with absurdly long hair.) It’s interesting hearing what these kids believe as completely absolute fact (ONLY GIRLS CAN HAVE LONG HAIR!!!! and such). Ah, kids. Love em.
Just moments ago, my pregnant wife and I came from the sonogram: it’s a girl. I’m going to have a daughter come January. I want her to be like Yotsuba like her dad.
@ ghostlightning
Wow, congratulations both of you! That’s very cool news. Hopefully your ambition of raising a next-gen Yotsuba will become reality, and you can post stories like this every day.
@ Snark & A_Name_With_Underscores
Glad you guys liked it. When Guff sent me this post I kept cracking up just while editing it.
@ digitalboy
To be fair, not all of them are terrified of foreigners. It’s just that because there are so few foreigners in Japan, especially in the more rural areas, most young kids have never seen a non-Japanese person.
Considering that Japanese people all look pretty much the same, the sight of some strange, huge, pale-skinned, curly haired monster is enough to freak any little kid out.
On the other hand, kids are incredibly fearless and have a lot of curiosity, so many times they are also the ones to break the ice and come talk to you when all the adults are busy feeling awkward. Also once they get used to you, even the ones who initially a little intimidated generally warm up really fast.
So it goes both ways. Either way, however, Japanese kids are hilarious and crack me up.
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Haha, a wonderful story indeed. I sure hope there are many more to come.
I must also add that Guffs vocabulary and grammar always leads to a nice and refreshing reading experience.
The places where emphasis was placed using caps also really successfully conveyed the youthfulness of the little girl. Nicely done.
@ghostlightning: Congratulations
Good luck with this most precious lifelong project :p
[laughs] Seriously man, that’s brightened up my day. Thanks for sharing!
I dunno why, but Japanese kids seemed to be a little better behaved than British kids to me. I’m sure they’re evil little tearaways wherever you are in the world, but over there they annoyed me less. I really need to read Yotsuba though.
Really cute tale =) I must say I really like the yotsuba pictures too. Enhances the overall cuteness nicely =D
I always wonder what Yotsuba-type kids become when they grow up…
@Eternal: They get disillusioned and end up seeking solace in alcohol.
That was the most “DAWWWWWW” worthy story I’ve heard so far.
Adorable story. I love the completely random “DO YOU REALLY LIKE TEA?!” Kids are great for stuff like that. It’s too bad that when people grow up, our minds become more focused and less adventurous. Great use of pictures in the post, by the way.
A while ago there was a massive infestation of wasps here. The fire department came and sprayed some white powdery poison.
A couple of days afterwards some child walks by with his parents. His voice suggested great enthusiasm and pride when he shouted: “Look mommy I found a piece of winter, there’s still a piece of the winter left here” It was the middle of summer and freakin’ hot so it took a while before I understood what he was referring to, lol. Kids think in the strangest ways.
His parents carelessly shrugged his statement off…hopefully the kid didn’t end up making ’snowballs’ solely consisting of poison lol.
Hahahahahahahahha cute, wish I had an experience like that! Never had it even once ever since I arrived in Tokyo last year.
*grins*
This made me glow with delight like an old light bright. ^_^
*BLUSH* I really like those kids, but mostly the ones who want to help or teach you something (like in your case). It’s the complete opposite when they’re just loud and rude, like calling you a whale! =O (not towards me, but I’ve seen it many times)
Is Guff really that scary? I thought he was sort-of the handsome/gorgeous type =3
haha! I can totally imagine the classic anime scene where the parent goes “move on, don’t look at the stranger” when someone does something weird in public.
GJ Guff, thanks to your help, she’ll be more likely to grow up culturally learned and be open to new ideas. Totally adorable.
This was great.
ENJOY EVERYTHING. It can be hard to see how easily we can lose sight of that. I know I do. :3
That is adorable.
Also:
“…either utter despair, or profound curiosity which then quickly descends into glowering disapproval.”
I admit I giggled to that, too.
[...] this man met the real life Yotsuba. I wish to have the same encounter. Tags: flat chest, [...]
Огромное человеческое спасбо!
pale and curly? O.o the first image I imagine is sakuya’s nii-san from hayate no gotoku, XD. nice cute child you met there